Febuary 13

 

I feel very empty lately and need something to occupy my time and boredom. I need to start writing or start playing music to get something out of me. I feel like I'm useless, being able to do nothing but sit around all day and complain about the things I wish I were doing rather than actually going out and doing them. That's going to change.

Tomorrow's Valentines day, It isn't going to be how i once pictured it but maybe it will be better than my expectations in the beginning. I need what I'm doing, whether or not it's the right thing. It's making me alright.

 I sometimes feel as though nobody has anything as beautiful in comparison. That nobody in the world is better. I try to fight that all the time but I can't. To me you are perfect. To me, nothing in the world fits but you.

January 29

I know I don't have who I want, and I know I wont ever. I know that each day gets harder and harder. It's to the point where I don't want to be left alone without my friends. I need my friends to keep me sane. I feel like I've lost everything and I'm right, I did. I know that the person I'm talking about does not care, and because of that, I don't think I should care but how can I not?  I wasted more than a year of my life putting everything I had into one person. Everything only starts where it ends for the happy person. This is to the person who planned it, the person who makes me miserable. The person who's made me disgusted in myself and everything I've ever done for the past 15 months. The person who lied to my face, and ruined everything. Thank you.

January 4

The worst start of a new year possible. I'm definitely not quitting smoking now with my situation. However, I'm going to just keep moving on and things will get better as always. Many regrets, I guess.

The conclusion:

Quitting smoking didn't work out too well. Can't really do much about it but keep working at it. Quitting smoking sucks, but smoking sucks even more. I need help with this, it's hard when everyone around you smokes as well.

January 2

Today is the first day that I am officially quitting smoking. I had one this morning and hated it. I hopefully, will be able to stay strong to my word and carry this out. My whole family has either died or has had cancer at some point in their lives and I don't want to be one of those people. I don't want to die in front of my own kids later on in life from something as little as not being able to quit smoking at 16 years old. I have a stronger personality than this and I will quit.

tis' the season to be jolly

My holidays have went smoothly, and I'm glad I've shared them with the people I did. I had many goals for 2010 that I had never even remember to do which I am in a way, regretful for. However, this year I'll grow into myself even more. This year, rather than giving myself rules, I'm going to to make one fine goal for myself. I'm going to figure out who I am. That is all.