A careless bird is complicated, an empty nest still leaves a space.

With everything I've ever gone through I've always given more than i ever needed to. With that, I've had a lot taken away. Sometimes i don't care, sometimes i don't notice, and sometimes it hurts to much to confront. A funny thing it is, to have your best friend use you for all that you are and never talk to you again. It's hilarious when a person you've trusted with your life lets you down more than anybody else ever has. It's not fair, and it's not kind but what can i do? I can't stop talking to everyone I'm friends with because of nonexistent reciprocity. Can i? I thought i had what i needed. My best friend, my family, my girlfriend. I have food, i have water, i have shelter. But when your best friend and girlfriend cheat on you who wants to eat anymore? it's sickening. In conclusion of the previous statement, i don't need the important people in my life if they're all going to hurt me. It's like saying i need pain. I think I'm addicted to it now. I think i strive off getting let down. I make plans to get let down, I ask to join in people's plans to get rejected. I think i like it sometimes. It proves that I'm right. However, i don't really want to be right about something like that. I don't ever want to know that my friends talk about me behind my back, or that my girlfriend will gladly ditch me and not feel a tiny ounce of sadness of guiltiness while doing it. There is no such thing as a perfect friend, i know. It would be nice though.The closest I've ever come to perfection was when i stop caring about living at all. I just sat there, and waited for someone who cared about me to come and get me. Nobody came. I'm at a loss, I am lost, I need help, I need you. I need happiness. Is it bad to only feel loved by one person? Should i feel love from all the people I'm close with? something even remotely close by any chance? I can't sense anything from anyone. ever. they're not there the way i want them to be.