Hoppipolla.

This doesn't even need to be in my language for it to be the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

We got the handshake under our tongue.

I'm confused at how fast everything is changing. I don't know why things are turning out this way. I realized the other day that if we did trades rather than using money that we'd really know what's of value to us.
I wonder what's of real value to me. I know that i have a letter, a shirt, and a stuffed animal sitting in a mailed package by my bed. That's something that's of value to me. It was the first thing that made me really think of death. I've never been scared of anything as much as i was then.

Time for growing up is now.

defying gravity.

I wish someone would truly love me and care for me like you used to and still do.
"I know you're out there, somewhere out there"
Just because we're nothing now doesn't mean i don't appreciate you. Nobody will ever really be like you were to me.

"i choose to celebrate the first."

Stepping over what now towers to the sky.

It's not the same anymore. Oh well, what else can I do.. other than my projects. I have a list of things to live up to and you're not one of them. Maybe I'm not the problem, It's just you..really. You make it a tragedy when i do wrong. you're right, you're an angel? just keep doing what you're doing and you'll be nothing to me.

"Too far along in our crime,
Stepping over what now towers to the sky,
With no connection"

Love is all you need.

I miss the good ol' days. Feeling was everyone. Everyone felt. I was introduced to so many new things and people and ways of living. So many different lifestyles. Mgmt reminds me of all of it. I was so happy then. I'm happy now, just not like then.
When you first start living a certain way, whether it be straight edge, open-minded etc It's all so fascinating. All you want to do is try and try and try and meet new people and try some more new things. I think now that I've had my turn trying and found what's comfortable that I'm taking advantage of it and it's boring me. I think that's i'm boring myself when there's so much more I can do if i just get out of my room more often. I'm responsible enough to make sure I'm safe, I'm being good, honest with my parents. I'm not doing anything bad. I'm just living.

On another note, I'm not afraid to lose anymore. I've, overnight, grew a little. It's weird, I know. I'm just growing up i guess. I know that if I lose someone I'll be hurt for a while, miss them, and move on. There's so many more people out there to be fascinated by and interested in.

People I will love, and who will love me will come and go, I'm sure. I'll hold on to whomever cares to stay close enough. Those are the only ones who matter anyways. That and family. I've taken granted for too long.

My dad today asked me what makes me happy. I couldn't come together and say that he made me happy. I love my dad. Him and I haven't been this close since i was little. It's true that the only man you can trust is your daddy. Nobody in my family has really had the chance to be proud of me. I haven't been the best in the past. However, I'm turning around and I know I'm going to finally make them proud of me and that right there will make me happy.
Love is all you need.

Four minutes.

I miss you...

"And all the books you've read have been read by other people. And all the songs you've loved have been heard by other people. And that girl that's pretty to you is pretty to other people. and that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing 'unity."

I'm not happy with 'unity'. The girl I love will be loved by other people and the songs i love will be loved by other people and what's beautiful to me is beautiful to other people. I don't want it that way. When it's this way it just shows that I'm nothing different, ever. I'm nothing special, I'm nothing that will be the only person for a special person.

The songs I share with someone will be shared with someone else, the jokes i share will be shared with someone else, the memories, the places, the situations, the love, the like, the lust, the anger and the pain. It wont be anything after a while. Because it's already been felt, It's already been there with someone else.

If anything, I'm not as good as the other's sharing what i have. I will always have to share. I don't want to share. I want what's mine to be mine and want to be mine. There's always the purpose of hope, i guess.

I give up.

fuck.

Fragments of sobriquets.

I'm just trapped in a nothingness now. I really could care less about other people. Even to the ones closest to me. Nobody's real anyways. It's all just an act. Just like when you first meet someone and they do their BEST to impress you and then a month later they're a completely different person. You end up not liking them for them anymore and you think they've changed. Really, they've just changed. It's weird. People will see ONE thing they like in someone and risk everything for a short amount of time just to realize they don't even like the rest of that person. So, their first action is to change you. Than the person being changed just gets miserable, the person changing just gets aggravated and controlling and they end up breaking up to repeat the cycle with someone else.
The controller and the controlled. I don't understand it really.
Also, may i add that someone will long for someone for so long and their first reaction to being together is just to hurt her one more time first to make her really know what she's getting into. Yeah, she'll let you hurt her, and she'll get right back in the spot she was in before. She'll be miserable for a long time until she gets annoyed, fed up, pissed off, and just plain old done and she wont let you go will she? She convinces you she loves you and you think you understand but do you? Do i? I don't know.

If you knew my story word for word.

"Usually when things has gone this far, people tend to disappear"

Thanks for spending your day in the emergency room with me when you could have been getting your projects done. It meant a lot that you kept me company. If you weren't there I'd probably have a panic attack during my cat scan. It smelled like burning flesh and they tied my head and hands down. I rubbed my puke on you and you still didn't leave. I snorted and gargled my saliva in your ears and you still stuck around. You had to watch the simple life, the wild wild west, britan's next top model and celebrity look alike and you were still there. You're a good friend, and a good person. Thank you.

Your skin and bones.

Turn into something beautiful.

I need you so much closer.

It's a little cold outside.

"...Don't think I'll escape, why would I escape you?
Don't think I'll replace, how could I replace you..."

"...Yeah you send a little love my way and every second I spend waiting drags me closer to this grave...
"...I'm not alone, I'm just on my own..."

What is there to say or do? Nothing at all. What's done is done i guess. Friendships end, relationships end, everything ends. Everything starts where it ends. I have the ones i need. I'll get through everything all by myself and if i can't, I have my best friend.

Porkies.

Do you think they know? Do you think they know that from the moment they're born and on they're only living to be slaughtered? Do you think they live depressing lives if that? Just something that caught my attention. Poor pigs.

The Taming Of The Hands That Came Back To Life

Will you live in the physical world?

I know explosions make debris, and catching it kind of suits you. Well it doesn't suit me.

This is all good fun for you, It's not very swell for me. I want the best for everything but I obviously can't do that alone. There is so much worse out there waiting for me to walk right into it, I'm not going to wallow in this.

Go Ask Alice.

"God is in his heaven and it's alright with the world."

I'm not sure how i feel about that but it does make me feel. I guess anything can be anything to anybody in their own place souls.

I'm never quit content enough, it seems.

Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

365

A new start. A clean slate. I feel good. I'm happy where i am and it's only going to get better.
I have my new year's resolution list, I'm going to complete the whole thing by the end of this year and I'm going to be happy.